Kim Jong-il Taking Over Illinois

Former premier Kim Jong-il is taking over the reigns of Governor from Pat Quinn in Illinois.  Quinn was sick of failing to get ideas and programs through a legislature dominated by his own party and contacted Kim Jong through a seance at the Italian Sports Hall of Fame.

English: Kim Jong-il, North Korean leader
English: Kim Jong-il, North Korean leader (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Quinn saw Jong’s names on the voter roles in the 43rd Ward of Chicago.  Quinn has more than enough time to enjoy a nice cushy pension, and figured now was the time for a man like Jong.

Quinn said, “For years, the dead voted in Illinois.  Now they will have a chance to lead us.”.  Plus, “He’ll lock up the Asian vote for us for years-and I love the Korean BBQ those people have.  More and more Asians are coming to Illinois.”

Jong’s first act as governor was to order $1Billion dollars worth of Chivas and begin tying up the bandwidth of government servers downloading porn.  He will throw out the first pitch at the Chicago White Sox game today, and skim some money off the government bonds that financed the stadium.

Jong appointed Mel Reynolds as his Chief of Staff and Todd Stroger his Secretary of the Treasury.  Jesse Jackson Jr. will be his campaign manager.  Ed Beavers his Comptroller.  He has a long list of applicants for appointed office to choose from.

No one is hopeful that Kim Jong-il will last very long as governor.  They speculate that he will have trouble finding enough food among legislators to sustain himself.




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